Complaint Corner

CC is one of the funniest & most visited sections of our site.

You try to be nice, but sometimes Readers, you’ve just gotta tell it like it is…

Join the army of low budget hustlers, Z-list media plums, self obsessed whiners & hilarious, tortured moaners, that we get to scuffle with on a daily basis.

There’s even the odd compliment too…

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INTRODUCTION

Hi Chums, we have recently updated this section. Now exactly what is this crazy little corner all about..?

COME & HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK…

Welcome to Complaint Corner, where Dinosaurs, Bonobos & medical intestinal diagrams abound...

We’d rather gnaw off our own hand…

Celebrity counts for nothing if you are a misogynistic fool, who's high profile, meaningless antics are a rubbish look...

LUCY FINALLY GETS THE LOVE…

Hi, I came last Friday night, for the first time & I just wanted to say how amazing I thought it was - Oh, go on then...

WHAT GOES AROUND…

Thank you for the 90's...

THE RIGHT WAY TO GET A POSITIVE RESPONSE FROM US…

A breif lesson in natural justice...

THE RIGHT WAY TO GET A NEGATIVE RESPONSE FROM US

Another brief lesson in natural justice, but this time it doesn't turn out quite so well...

I love your doormen

Unsolicited, warm, heartfelt praise - for the boys on the door...

I hate Your Doormen

Things are not always what they seem at first glance... A classic Sir Galahad fictionateer pledges his troth, for a green hat...

Hang the dj & race to the finish…

If it hits you this hard, that's when you realise it's not a card...

Copy or Purchase..?

You don't need to manufacture your own bits of WHQ, you can have the ones we have for you...

The Beastie Boys – take two…

Context is King - in this modern day seminar in political correctness...

GREETINGS FROM BERLIN

Iggy..? Eno...? Bowie..? - No Gilies...

Up the hill backwards…

An internet troll is out in force for David Bowie's reputation, but he picks on totally the wrong crew...

Top Tips for young Djs…

Things for Young Dj / Promoters to get their heads around to make a go of it in Newcastle..

SELL US YOUR PUNTERS SO WE CAN MAKE THEM ADDICTS

A vivid depiction of our unwillingness to get into bed with the gaming industy...

Sky’s not the limit

Murdoch's minion learns the definition of the word trust...

STEVIE’S WONDER

It's always nice when someone we have touched, gets back in touch & touches us back...

SANDRA WANTS FINDUS BEEF LASAGNE

Media, Cops, Nu Skool Hustlers, every modern, would-be mover & shaker wants a taste...

HOW TO LOOK GOOD NAKED

What to wear, what not to wear - standard fayre, pretty much what you'd expect...

A Cloakroom disgrace…

A half baked young miscreant, gets a swift lesson in personal responsibility...

SNOG, MARRY, AVOID..?

Yet more televisual nonsense that we simply can't be bothered with...

JOSEPHINE & HER TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE INJUSTICE

Witness first hand, the tragic self awareness bypass, of the stupidest person we have ever had to deal with...

THE HAPLESS REFUND PUNT THAT BECAME APE RELATED

Here we give one ultra-cheeky little monkey, a chance to proactively assist her crew...

Short & sweet, with ice…

A seminal & also probably the shortest complaint & reply you will ever see. If you've only got a mo this is the one....

Poo Soup, Hairy Pie…

One single e mail sparks classic Trent anecdotes & photos & another chance to see that totally insane (inspired?) menu...

GET THE PAINTERS IN…

Once a prisoner in WHQ, your best bet is to paint your way to freedom...

Completely Free of charge, you say..?

Fancy a website as cool as WHQ's..? Try working instead of begging....

THE INCOMPETENT ROBBERS

The daftest charlies you could wish for & then there's the cops...

Cave painting

Yet more friendly folks who would like to paint murals in the Club for us...

INTRO TO THE 3 STAGE ARC OF DAFT DRUNKEN GRUMBLES

As you all know, if you behave like a lairy piece of work in the Club, we will ask you to leave, as we don’t want you to be a pain & spoil it for everyone else.

THE THREE STAGE ARC OF DAFT DRUNKEN GRUMBLES…

A silly young chap, realises the error of his drunken, drunken ways...

The Eager Beaver…

Breaking news.... Duracell Bunny new barman enrages customers..!

Nice guy Mat

Young Matthew discovers that simply being polite, can pay unexpected dividends....

The reason why I’m talking shit…

A little musical something that came in from the Soul Food Yard Party we smashed at the Tyne Bar back in the Springtime...

A CORPORATE, SPONSORED, SUBLIMINAL ADVERT HUSTLE

We are sure you are lovely, fascinating even - but we just don't want to go to bed with you...

SAME HUSTLE, DIFFERENT HUSTLER

We will go to bed, definitely - when we finish this website, but again no, it won't be with you...

Wadds & wadds of love

They put our windows in back in the 80's & here they are now having a chat!

THE TIRESOME WEBSITE HUSTLE

Quite literally, the last thing WHQ needs....

Mr. Presumptuous

A short fable wherein gossip, as ever, leads to disappointment for the lad...

JOSÉLITO LAYS IT DOWN

Praise alert..!! The seemingly impossible, does occasionally happen...

From Hotel Pitch to Hotel chums

The standard hotel guest list hustle takes an unexpectedly friendly twist...

SWAP THAT THONG FOR PUNCTUATION & SPELLING TIPS

Striperammas..? No, wear pyjamas...

SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS

Here is the news... Other people are just as important as well known comedians...

LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYS

They jumped on my neck & my leg fell off..! Then they ate my friends hair..!! No they didn't Dafite - They promoted warm human kindness, instead...

‘Smash our faces In’ Really..?

Did your Mother never tell you always to tell the truth..? Well she should have & here's why...

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PROMOTERS FLYPOST

We don't just twiddle with ourselves as we write infantile bum jokes - we twiddle with ourselves while we write business letters too...

Prince Goffrin of Westeros

'Appalled, up in arms, extremely disappointed, not impressed, disillusioned, astonished, shocked'... A fantasy blockbuster of epic proportions..!!

IN CLOSING…

So there you go – Complaint Corner. Highlighting some different angles that people don’t often get to see, on the background, everyday stuff, that goes into running WHQ & keeping it both properly underground & truly independent.