Introduction to The roots of the matter…

At the bottom of our webpages & in the top menu there are links where you can contact us directly, here at WHQ. The text there reads…

‘Praise, communicate, enquire, grumble, send love, moan & natter.’

The mad loon in this CC Classic…

(dating back to 2013, before we had our own ticketing site & used facebook for ticket sales)

…was nailing her coffin lid shut, by the time she’d typed her title..!

(Editor’s note : Kunta prepared himself to be unimpressed by Josephine’s self-centered waffle)


Chapter 1. Hoity toity waffle

Original Message — From : Josephine – To : WHQ Subject : I’ve got a grumble

I and friend want to come to the Burlesque night this Saturday.

Neither of us do Fakebook, but bookings seem only to be through FB.

That is discriminatory to those who refuse to have truck with FB.

SO????? What do you suggest, and quickly please.

I want to book tickets which are cheaper than on the door.

Regards, Josephine


Chapter 2. Common sense

Original Message — From : WHQ  To : Josephine  Subject : I’ve got a grumble

We suggest you chill out & adopt a more friendly tone.

We don’t deal with people who approach us in the silly manner of your e mail.

‘That is discriminatory’ – ‘and quickly please’ etc.

How we choose to market our events is up to us, not you.

Grow up & realise you get what you want by asking nicely, in a reasonable manner.

If you can’t grasp that Josephine, you are not welcome here – Best wishes, WHQ.


Chapter 3. Disgusting!

Original Message — From : Josephine –  To : WHQ  Subject : I’ve got a grumble

You had better take a long look at your own attitude to public service matey.

Because ‘service’ is not a word I would award it. Your using only FB is discriminatory.

Absolutely disgusting response from someone who I considered doing business with


(Reader’s voice: Lovin’ it…!)


Chapter 4. Reality Check

Original Message — From:  WHQ – To : Josephine Subject :

(Editor’s note: cue title change…)

I’ve got a ludicrous manner & I want all serfs & underlings to obey me…


Oh Dear!

Still at it we see – ‘You had better… etc’. Grow up & get over yourself Josephine.

Irrespective how important you obviously think you may be, not everyone that you interact with in life is here to simply ‘serve’ you.

Try actually reading, then heeding our last message.

Here is what we might have initially said if we were you…

‘I have a query…

Hi, we would very much like to come your burlesque event this Saturday. However, neither myself, nor my friend who wants to come with me are on Facebook. 

Could you please let me know if it is possible to secure advance tickets via another medium..?

If there is an opportunity to purchase them cheaper than the door price on the night, we would appreciate that.

Thanks & best wishes, Josephine.’

It costs nothing to be nice & to address people in a friendly manner…

Had you done that we would have immediately looked to accommodate you. You don’t seem to care how you come across & seem to have an expectation of ‘public service’ despite your rude manner.

As such, we can assure you that here at World HQ, we shall live happily & prosper, without pandering to anyone with your degree of total self awareness bypass.

You may be right.. Our reply may have been ‘disgusting,’ but then again, you could equally just be a self obsessed, self important knacker…

If you think in 2013 (vintage corner..!) only being given the chance to buy an advance ticket on Facebook amounts to real, actual ‘discrimination’ then you have either led a very sheltered life, or are a complete & utter plum.

Best wishes, WHQ.


Chapter 5. Still bleating

Original Message – From : Josephine – To : WHQ Subject : I’ve got a ludicrous manner & I want all serfs & underlings to obey me…

You invited grumbles, you received one. I am the customer, you are the service provider.

You clearly have a far bigger problem than me about dealing with customer complaints, in that you cannot. Maybe should not…..

I will speak straight and tell you that your method of ticket provision is discriminatory.

Live with it, and don’t lecture your clients.

The customer is always right! – Josephine.


Chapter 6. The Super swift guessing game…

(Editor’s note: Now what do you think it could be time for Readers..?)

(Reader’s voice : Errr… Can we have a clue please…?


Chapter 7. The takedown…

Original Message — From : WHQ – To : Josephine Subject :

I’ve got a ludicrous manner & I want all serfs & underlings to obey me…

No Daftie, you have made another mistake…

‘The customer is always right’ is an illusion that big multinationals have sold you & something you would evidently love to believe & apparently choose to hide your rudeness behind.

So for that nonsense you’ll be needing McDonalds, not World Headquarters.

Sometimes Josephine, the customer can just be rude…

Sometimes, like you, the customer is also wrong & apparently under educated, as well as rude.

What’s actually right & correct is right – not the ‘customer’.

Being polite costs you nothing & if you go on like a twat, eventually, despite the constraints of whatever consumer society you may imagine, someone is gonna pull you up on it.

It is possible to grumble politely & you aren’t our client Josephine, so let’s be clear on that.

In your self absorbed ‘customer is always right’ consumer world, you are confusing ‘discrimination’ with slight inconvenience…

Don’t bleat on about how you choose not to be on Facebook & therefore, because we decide it’s an easy & convenient way to sell tickets for our shows, it somehow deliberately picks on or ‘discriminates’ against you.

Listen to your self… Honestly, think about it – it’s pathetic…

Proper, actual discrimination, we sincerely hope you are able to avoid.

Based on the self righteous e mail twaddle you have displayed to us today it would blow your mind…



Simply being polite would have got your query addressed immediately.

Our e mail tennis is over now & if you still don’t get it, we feel sorry for you, but you can always re read our little exchange at your leisure.

Best wishes, WHQ.


Chapter 8. The Disappearance

The fallout from Josephine & her terrible, terrible injustice, was that at this point she went quiet & we never heard from her again…

We assume she is currently standing in a far off lonely Metro Station, shouting repeated insults at a broken ticket machine, or has perhaps started up a loving relationship…

With Blakey – from the now ultra dated, ridiculous 70’s sitcom ‘On the Buses.’

Seem to recall him being obsessed with tickets too..?