I hate Your Doormen

Two sides to every story…

(Editors note: An absolute, total, utter, complete complaint corner classic..!)


Let’s set the scene…

Things are not always what they may seem at first glance. Take this picture for example…

Don’t tell anyone, but that’s not actually his Mum..!

Are there places where nuts like this little fellow coming up get a result..? Just ‘cos the Club operators are out of touch..?

I suppose we’ll never know… But we do know, that things are not always what they may present as, at first glance…


Let’s all get temporarily horrified…

Original Message – From: Willy – To: WHQ – Subject: New submission from Contact Us

Last night me and my friends went to the Novelist x DJ Champion event. However, our night ended early when following a silly argument with someone at the club who had taken a hat off my friends head, one of your bouncers…

… took it upon himself to not only drag my girl friend (who also happened to be a complete bystander to the original incident) out of the club, but also to knee her in the face.

When I tried to tap the bouncer on the back to explain he had the wrong person, two other bouncers pulled me down and I was kneed and punched in the face.

This type of behaviour by grown men to an 18 year old girl shows that they are poorly trained, as they used extreme physical force to end a verbal exchange.

Their blind aggression makes me think that they were either on cocaine, or are far too amped up to be working safely.

I was also told by another club goer that the bouncers knew the other person in the argument personally, so we were always going to be on the losing side of the exchange, regardless of the fact that were just chilling having a good time up to that point.

If you put idiots in a position of power where they believe that kicking girls in the face is permissible, then it not only has the potential to cause innocent and passive people a lot of pain, but it greatly demeans the name of your club, and the benevolence it so clearly strives to identify itself as having (e.g. all the wall art and matey website).

I have never been in or seen my friends get into fights while clubbing, we’re all good natured and just love getting loose.

I understand that it must be hard to be a bouncer until the early hours, and I was also incredibly rude to the bouncer after I was kicked out, but never aggressive, however all of the above are quite clearly part of the job description and if it’s too much for them to just not leap to such extremes even when unprovoked, something’s wrong.

I can take a kick to the face… 

…but not seeing my girl friend treated so poorly for no reason. Something should be done about this.


Original Message – From: WHQ  – To:  Willy – Subject: New submission from Contact Us

Thanks for the e mail Willy, I’ll look into it, check out all sides & come back to you, probably after the weekend.

Love Debbie x.

(Reader’s voice: So this is really the Debbie that works with you..?)


Okay, shall we try that again..?>

Original Message – From: WHQ  – To:  Willy – Subject: New submission from Contact Us

Hi Willy,

I have now spoken to all the staff present & also contacted several customers who witnessed this carry on.

(Editor’s note: It’s now time to restore a little balance…)

Try this version of events & see if it jogs your (seemingly selective) memory….

A girl in the Club who attends semi-regularly approached one of our security staff, saying that another girl who was inside the Club had assaulted her, something to do with them having similar green hats on..

She was clearly marked with fresh, quite nasty scratches to both her forearms & face.

She was able to identify her alleged assailant to the security.

Security then approached this young lady & asked her to leave the premises.

She was with a large & very vocal group of female friends, who protested her innocence.

But they complied & she was being walked out of the venue by two of our security staff, followed by her friends, whilst another held the double doors of the downstairs Club open so they could pass.

At this point the issue could have played out one of two ways…

In the ideal scenario, the young lady would have continued to be calmly walked out of the premises & most probably then continued her protestations on the step & eventually gone home.

Unfortunately that was not allowed to happen, as a relatively large man, wearing a stripy shirt (a man that I think is most probably you..?)

took it upon himself to intervene, in an attempt to prevent her removal from the premises.

This was what caused the situation to escalate from a controlled peaceful ejection, to a physical one…

(Editor’s note: That was a little memory for Grandpa, to get that blood racing… Something for everyone at the WHQ website..!)

You didn’t actually ‘tap’ the Security member on the back, as you pretend in your e mail.

You barged in & assaulted him in an attempt to push him away & prevent him from walking her out. A wrestling match ensued in front of the cloakroom & security then managed to wrestle you out the front door.

In the process of doing this, a young lady from the original group also assaulted one of the security from behind & he turned to push her away & thinks he made definite contact with her.

The entire group of girls was now outside, as were you. They eventually calmed down & asked security to go back in to get their coats, which they did.

You however….?

‘I was also incredibly rude, but never aggressive…?’

Are you joking…?

You then consistently rushed the door, looking to barge in & cause a fight & having to be repelled by three separate doorstaff on three separate occasions.

You consistently spat at the doormen & cursed & made a proper & utter twat of yourself for a further ten minutes.

Had you not done your ‘impress the girls / Sir Galahad’ routine & intervened violently in a situation that was well in hand, none of this would have happened.

The girl who was asked to leave could have done so peacefully & discussed the rights & wrongs of her removal with security on the step.

Given your behaviour (violence & spitting..? How old are you..?) & subsequent sanctimonious e mail, containing no reference to your totally outrageous behaviour (basically just loads of smug advice & tips for us on how to run our venue)

…it’s quite hard, really hard actually, to even be bothered to reply to you Willy.

When you have behaved like such a twat, escalated a simple ejection into a proper scuffle & then dressed it all up in an e mail to make it look like you are some kind of victim come superhero, it’s a really poor look.

So the one sided, largely false & greatly exaggerated e mail you sent has done you no favours at all & just makes you look like a proper dick.

If I am mistaken & you are not the large, stripy shirted, alpha male wannabe that I mention, then please accept my apologies.

It was however the actions of this person that caused the problem to play out as it did, as opposed to how it should have.

Best wishes, Debbie x.

(Reader’s voice: Ok we get it, so it’s gonna be like that then…)


Willy shrinks away & is never seen again…

So that was that & we never heard from little Willy again…

When people try it on & make up pure waffle, one swiftly delivered, concise, reality check, can often be enough to address their stupidity & get them back in the room.